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The Importance of Observation

mshollyshouse



What are your children noticing about you?


 When we begin this parenting journey, our schema, or previous knowledge, directly affects our instincts whether we want it to or not. How we parent is related to how we were parented. Take a moment and consider this. We are making daily decisions on the behaviors of our children based on the experience we had as a child. Either we admire and respect our parents for the parenting that they provided us or we hold resentments and pain for the parenting they provided us. We either immolate or correct our styles based on how their choices emotionally affected us.


Another influence in our natural parenting style is culture. How do the people around me parent? What were the parenting styles of my aunts, uncles, friends, and grandparents? Did I witness a parenting choice that I did not like? Did I watch in amazement at a parenting choice that left me feeling fulfilled?


Whether your personal experience or your cultural experience influenced the parenting that your children are receiving now was the greater influence, it is not too late to make a change. Education is the catalyst to a new relationship with your children. I challenge you to reflect, strategize, and make the change that you want to see within your household.


  1. Children observe the relationship that you have with your parenting partner. They are paying attention to assigned gender roles, shared characteristics, communication, and respect. Your children are watching your facial expressions, listening to your voice tones, and your body movements. What they see defines love, partnership, and respect.

  2. Children note your opinion about your community. They know how you feel about your status, your economic responsibilities, and they mimic your judgements and opinions.

  3. Children watch how you spend your time and who you spend your time with. They know how much time you spend with your parenting partner, if you prioritize extended family, how important sports, fitness, food, and electronics are, and if time spent one on one with them is something you value.

  4. Children remember your behavioral sensitivities. They know exactly what triggers positive emotional responses from you and what triggers negative emotional responses for you. They choose which behaviors are important to you based on your reaction and follow through.

  5. Children know through memorized words and phrases exactly how you feel about them. This observation will affect their self-esteem for years to come. They watch your reactions to their appearance, weight, academic success, and even athletic success and adopt them as their own. They know if you are proud of their attitude and temperament and if you are ashamed of their socialization skills or sense of humor. Your words and reactions will shape your child.

  6. Children notice your values and spirituality. They have a front row seat to the commitment you have to morals and they know if your words match your actions. Actions will always weigh more than words. Children have a radar for hypocrisy and judgment. Guard your words wisely.

Now, take a deep breath. It is not too late to make a positive difference in the life of your child. If they are one or forty-one, these truths remain the same. When you value relationship, it is evident. Educate yourself on a variety of parenting styles and choose one that suits you. Know yourself. Know your child. Set firm yet respectful boundaries. Follow through with natural consequences. Persevere. This job that we are given to raise good humans, it can change our world. Do not take it lightly. Take it seriously. Navigate it like it was a million-dollar job. Research. Plan. Commit. Any step that you take toward influencing a good human, is worth the effort.

 

Love, Ms. Holly

 


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3 Comments


Commander Gree
Commander Gree
Sep 19, 2024

Parenting is a journey. It’s so important to have special people in your life that can become a positive mentor in the years of parenting. Sharing our experiences and being able to grow with new ideas and knowledge is priceless. I enjoy learning new ideas from seasoned parents but also absolutely love watching the wonderment of new parents. When you are fortunate to have great role models in your life, much of the work is easily recognized and mirrored. If you are a parent trying new techniques and practices, I commend you. Keeping Christ as a focus in your family always seems to set the right tone. Knowing each day that you show up in love and battle for what…

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amystephen77
Sep 19, 2024

Great points! Every new school year is an opportunity to take the teacher-parent partnership seriously! Our kids deserve support at their every turn. 🩷

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summerlotc
Sep 19, 2024

These are very wise and insightful words. You have experienced parenting from so many angles. These are real gems taken out of your knowledge and experience .

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